Barren Mothers Day

Mother's Day.

The day where we go to whatever congregation we attend and all the mothers are asked to stand while we all clap for them.

And wish we were one of them.

For two years I kept thinking, "Next year, it'll be my turn."

"Next year..."

For the last three years I've just stayed home.

It's been to hard to endure everyone else rising while we say, "Congratulations on your ability to get pregnant." There is nothing for the Barren Woman. The Barren Woman is forgotten on mothers day. Why would anyone want to dampen the mood by remembering that it is actually a painful day for many of us.

And not just for the infertile. What about those who have miscarried? Or those who did not have a good mother. It's taboo so suggest that any mothers are not doing such a great job on mother's day. Who cares? Clap for them it's mother's day! Well I'm sure those who are effected do care - a lot.

I know a woman, although both her children are in Child and Family Services, and she has no intention of getting them back, boast about her mother's day gift. Happy Mother's day.

What's the point of mother's day anyways? To honour our mothers. If we don't do that any other day, finding a specific day to do that is just cheap.

If a miracle happens and someday I am able to have children of my own, I do not believe I will celebrate mother's day. Mother's day is such a hurtful time, I'm not going to so easily forget the pain it causes. My children's birth day will be the biggest Mother's Day I could ever hope to have.

I'm not going to ever forget where I came from, the hurt of being barren. I would love to have children, but it's not so that I can flaunt them to everyone else. I don't think I could ever stand up and have everyone clap for me, even if there was no infertile women present.

But I've thought about the "maybe"s and "next year"s too much these past mother's days. For me it's a Barren Day.